November 25, 2008

Cranky


the stupid deer don't even run anymore they just stand there staring while i lunge and flap my arms and hiss and make a fool of myself and then maybe if i'm very lucky they'll take one tiny step and roll their eyes and continue their grassy feast and its so dark so early its barely even five o'clock and its dark dark dark i miss the sun remember when it used to be out until eight thirty? and do you realize how little time suburbanites actually spend outdoors? they sit indoors and sit in cars and sit in offices and walk in stores and i could walk around my neighborhood for hours and never see another face they just drive by engulfed in their huge suv's then sneak back into their garages and inside and never breathe the air and i'm sick of isolation there aren't enough people out here i'm craving civilization even though civilization will most likely annoy me but there's still something comforting in having other bodies bobbing around and voices and action and things going on and i'm bored of boredom and i really would like something to do a job would be nice and the city would be nice and i think it's about time to get those things i wish things would hurry up and happen because i'm waiting and i'm restless and i hate when plans change and i'm sick of the gym and there's a blackberry that keeps chirping in the library don't people libraries are quiet places? they aren't chirping places or talking places and yet this guy over there keeps huffing and puffing with his two laptops spread out on a table and his blackberry that won't stop talking and this other guy that keeps circling me creepy-like watching as i try and do some work and i'm feeling uninspired and don't have anything to say and everything sounds stupid and pointless and i'm sitting surrounded by books and tens of thousands of millions of words from all the people that did have things to say and many that said them well and here i am saying nothing.