January 21, 2009

10 Reasons That Prove I am a City-Dweller at Heart

And need to get to said city dwelling as soon as humanly possible.

1.  I feel safer in a throng of strangers in Midtown Manhattan than standing in my driveway at night completely alone except for the minor possibility of getting run down by a herd of galloping, pointy-antlered bucks.

2.  I'm done with driving.  I'm sick of highways and potholes and dollar tolls on the Parkway and the psychopathic drivers that inhabit the roads of the great Garden State.  

3.  I want to walk.  Everywhere.  And it'd be super nice to have a destination on said walk, and actually have a change of scenery, rather than seeing the same thirty houses within the mile radius of my house.

4.  I need fresh air.  Ironically, I'm pretty positive that that city living would promote more outdoor-time than my current suburban situation.  See above re. walking.  In suburbia, people really like their minivans and SUVs.  They like to jettison from their houses to their garage to their cars in order to get to their next enclosed destination.  Heaven help me if I ever see a human body OUTDOORS who is not booking it in or out of their car.

5.  I want to stay up late.  It really freaks me out that everything in the area is dark and dismal and 100% closed by 9 p.m.  Seriously, the clock strikes nine and the cars disappear from the roads.  Bright lights and 24/7 possibilities, here I come.

6.  I am the Queen of Peoplewatching.  I need more subjects.  One can only stalk so many red foxes and bunny rabbits, and of course, the deer.

7.  I like background noise.  Nay.  I NEED background noise.  Here in the burbs of NJ it is so completely and utterly silent that it freaks me out.  When I got to college, I was so baffled by the noise that I started leaving a box fan on at night to try and drown out the drunken screams of my peers.  Now, I cannot sleep without said fan.  I need that hum of white noise to fall asleep.  Hello bustling city, sounds like a good noise solution to me!

8.  I like food.  More than a normal person.  Indeed, perhaps one might say I am OBSESSED with food.  And I'm sorry, but I need the culinary options of a city.  I cannot even tell you, truly cannot even put into words, how painfully I miss my city eats.  Everyday when lunchtime rolls around, I start salivating for this or this or this - for the delicious goodness of my old haunts.  

9.  I like dressing nicely.  I like fashion.  I like clothes.  I like shopping.  And I can only stomach so many more velour track suits and running sneakers and Uggs before I freak out and rip them right off every suburban mommy and adolescent teenybopper in sight.  I would like to bask in the well-dressed glory of the urbanites.

10.  Eye candy.  Enough said.  Who knows if it's the money or the gluttony of fashionable industries or the aforementioned fashion sense, but there are simply way more good looking beings to appreciate in a metropolis like NYC.

So once again, I implore you to find me a delightfully overpaid job.  Or just donate to my apartment fund!

Why would YOU want to move to the city?

{Photo by Smosch}


The City Sage said...

OMG I can't sleep without a fan either! It's terrible if i have to stay in a hotel and there's not fan/air conditioner. the quiet CREEPS ME OUT!

The next time you are in NYC can you please do two things for me?

1. Eat at Pepe Rosso in SoHo and get the gnocchi with pink sauce and sausage.

2. Go to ABC Carpet and home and go to the second floor where they keep all the french and mid-century antiques and just pick a chair--any chair--and sit in it. maybe run your hands over a table or two if you're feeling really generous.


James A Woods said...

I visited NYC in Oct '94, and I've always wanted to go back. I wouldn't want to live there permanately, but a 6 month stay would be nice.

I sympathize with you on the town shutting down at 9 pm. I've often said my hometown should just put a wall and close the gates at 10.