September 8, 2008

A Day at the Beach

Hello Belmar!  Along with the general Jersey bashing that goes on so often around the country, and worse, in our own state, there tends to be major Jersey shore negativity.  I'm sorry, I know it's not the Caribbean, and you have to pay to get on the beach and there are often annoying people and seaweed and chilly water that there is no way in hell that you'll ever see your feet through, but all that aside, I love the Jersey shore.  

And, even better - going down the shore post-Labor Day on a Monday afternoon when the majority of individuals, those who are gainly employed and not undergoing a quarterlife crisis, are not present.

The hurricane bonanza of late is clearly taking its toll on our beaches - there were some terrifying waves going on today.  I really couldn't believe how many people were swimming showing a complete disregard for the sacredness of human life today.

Seagulls, I hate you.  You are horribly annoying.  You are hideous and dirty and often are missing a critical body part known as the neck.  Don't you know how rude it is to circle around innocent sunbathers the minute they break out their subs and potato chips?

(Note - J hates seagulls more than I do.  Way more.  They seem to be the bane of his existence.  The reaction to the seagulls actually rivals his road rage - which, by the way, is worse than mine.  There were many times today that he elicited stares and raised eyebrows  as a result of his barking noises and lunging maneuvers at our ugly feathered friends).

(PS - I realized when I uploaded this picture to my computer that the girl in the background is in a very awkward cat pose-esque position.  Oops.  She was really very cute.  I liked her big sun hat.  And white sweatpants. )

This is the obscenely adorable group of children that I stalked observed all day.  Because I'm a freak and apparently need every particle of my twisted brain to be active at all times, I peoplewatch.  An abnormal amount.  To a degree that disturbs friends and family.  Basically, everywhere I go I (subconsciously, I swear) pick out someone or a group of people and watch them.  Intently.  I become fascinated.  The word "obsessed" might be applicable in this scenario.  I'm observant.  That's all.  Please don't judge me.

But they really were so freaking cute.  They were really into making sand angels, and had sand at least an inch thick covering their entire bodies.  They were running around and playing and rolling in the sand like their lives depended on it.  And the funniest thing was that every single person who walked by them said something along the lines of "Oh my gosh you are so sandy!"  And there you have, in a nutshell, the difference between children and adults.  

This middle aged heifer was quite the character (I know, I'm an insensitive evil wench).  It just so happens that the only sneaky picture I succeeded in taking was of her sitting down, from the back, so you really can't get a good sense of her.  It's probably better that way.  It protects her identity.  

Anyway, she showed up around 3 p.m. and plopped her stuff down right in the midst of four other groups of people.  Let's remember that there are a bunch of people on the beach, but relatively speaking, its empty.  It's a Monday afternoon in September.  There is a TON of empty space.  But of course, she violates basic beach etiquette Rule #1 - Give everyone a little breathing room and sit as far away as possible from other human beings.

So she is already on my bad side by sitting WAY too close to me when there is oodles of room a mere twenty feet away.  She starts talking to herself.  She struggles to put her umbrella in the sand, and when she finally succeeds, it takes about five minutes for it to blow away and almost decapitate another woman lying nearby.  Then, because she is of a hefty breed, it takes her hours to get up from her chair.  It takes so long that the other woman - the one who has just barely managed to retain her head - has time to grab the umbrella, wait a few minutes for slowpoke to come retrieve it, and then finally give up and return the umbrella herself.   At this point, another older woman who has been observing the Hefty Slowpoke the entire time, comes over and sets up the umbrella for her.  

Then, the best part...

After the umbrella incident has passed, Hefty Slowpoke breaks out a KITE.  Like, a child's plastic kite with weird smiling hearts.  For the rest of the afternoon, she carries the kite around with her as she crawls on the sand poking at jellyfish and putters around her chair.  

Good times.

And finally, this is what happens to me after a day at the beach.  I don't know how, I don't know why, but I end up looking like I was the one making sand angels.  Even though all I did all day was lay on a towel and read a book, I end up instantaneously covered head to toe in sand.  

I love you beach!

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

eh hem...kathryn, you put sun tan lotion on when you go to the beach do you not? the sand may be sticking to that...or maybe the moisturizing lotion you put on in the morning...god i'm so smart.

love corey